My pregnancy journey: Trimester 0 (preconception)

This story actually begins a lot earlier than this current pregnancy.

As soon as the daily lockdown chats started getting serious, I knew that Scott was the person I was going to have a family with. Once we had an opportunity to spend face-to-face time together, we both knew that this was it.

Apparently so did my body.

I'd had my Implanon (contraceptive implant) removed years earlier, when I was with my previous partner. The whole time tracking my cycle since then I hadn't had any sign of ovulation. Approximately three and a half years after having it removed — with a chance to actually rest and heal my nervous system thanks to a stay-at-home order — my body was ready.

What felt like period pain, coupled with spotting, started at the expected time and then didn't go away. A pregnancy test was negative but I knew that something was different. The doctor turned to me in surprise - her "just in case" test was positive. Obviously we weren't quite ready, and I don't think my body had it figured out yet either. I was constantly nauseous and in pain, and everything I put in my mouth was acidic. It was awful.

I was living on painkillers and stomach settlers, and constantly in a fog of fatigue while I pushed through being back at work in a busy venue. I felt like a shell of a human and could barely enjoy the birthday getaway Scott had booked for me.

After weekly scans and an ectopic pregnancy scare they finally found a haemorrhagic sac. It explained the bleeding but not the pain. Either way, things weren't going well and would inevitably end sooner rather than later. I took a Saturday night off from service and after finishing on the Friday took the prescribed medication to help my body along.

It was an uncomfortable night but not much worse than the pain I'd already been enduring. My love was there with me the whole time, armed with snacks, hot water bottles, cuddles and jokes. Not even 3 months into our relationship and he had already shown more love and care than I had ever experienced in a relationship before.

On the Sunday morning I woke up with "crack energy" and felt like my normal self again. Like a switch had flipped. I had people coming over to celebrate my birthday and it was a welcome change to how I'd felt for the last 9 weeks.

I knew that everything was happening in divine timing.

Had things progressed differently, we may have rolled with it. I knew that something was wrong though. It was perhaps not the right time, but I had been shown that this was definitely the right person.

Scott and I got married in May 2022. I'd started taking pre-natal supplements at the start of the year, and spent the second half of the year before that recovering from burnout and focusing on deep physical and emotional healing. I knew that if we were going to be able to have a family, it required an intentional pre-conception plan but figured it wouldn't take too long.

I had work to do on my thyroid and was showing signs of autoimmune disease, my fertility hormones were still stabilising, and stress had taken a huge toll on my cortisol. I dropped down to part-time work and freelancing and focused on rest. My cycles were too short for my comfort. After months on an autoimmune protocol, I started to feel substantially better.

Surely, we'd be able to enjoy our honeymoon and then get pregnant soon after that. Surely. I stepped back from working in venues with the intention that I'd be pregnant soon and didn't want to commit to somewhere I'd need to take leave from so soon.

We'd spent months tracking my cycle, using ovulation testing strips and basal temperature measures alongside moods and physical symptoms. I worked with a naturopath to stabilise my flow. I cut out dairy, gluten, most sugar and alternatives, and reduced my caffeine intake to with or after breakfast only. I used all my knowledge on functional nutrition, took supplements and herbs, meditated, did deep inner work, had esoteric acupuncture and lineage healing, and read as much as I could on conception after 30. Still, we waited.

I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I'd had no trouble with my fertility in the past, and the occasions when I'd chosen to pursue terminations came back to haunt me. Had I missed my chance? This was my dream guy, and he'd parked his family desires thinking he was going to be single but now I felt like I was letting the team down. I was 35. Maybe I'd blown it and this was karma.

There was nothing left to do (apart from the obvious). We surrendered, and put our trust in the Universe. I started a new job, we booked a summer holiday, and enjoyed a couple of long lunches, music festivals, and holiday parties with friends. At my work Christmas party, I expressed our intention to have a family in the new year...

Two days before Christmas, we went out to run errands and had a couple of beautiful wines over lunch. I felt extra buzzed but attributed it to being tired, which I was particularly so. Scott mentioned that it was strange for me to be as tipsy as I was, and pointed out that I hadn't had my usual hormone-related mood drop. Interesting observation.

The next day we picked up a fresh test and while packing for our holiday I did it. Positive, without a doubt. We shared a high five and he exclaimed, "good job rooting!"

We'd done it.